Kathy & Paul • April 5, 1986

While we're away on honeymoon, I've scheduled a series of posts about happy marriages I know, the ones that inspire me and give me hope. You can read them all here.


From Kathy...

On what date did you get married?
April 5, 1986

What do you remember most from your wedding?
Great music, a boiling hot day in the desert, my grandmother hauling one of those ancient early video cameras around, and a long party in a friend's backyard with Paul's band playing. 

What is your advice for a happy and fulfilling marriage?
1. Expect change, welcome it, be brave. "For better or worse" is about the biggest thing you can say. Circumstances will change, you will change. Staying open to and aware of that is important.

2. Words matter, every single one of them. 

3. You should like each other a lot. That seems obvious but I do think it's underestimated!

Anything you know now that you wish you had known when you got married?

Can I answer "everything"? We didn't know anything when we got married—we were quite young and had the great good fortune to grow up together. Discovering our shared life—that's the marriage. I thought marriage would be a support and consolation to me, which it certainly has been. but that view was unsurprisingly self-centered. I did not realize that it would be the most delightful way to practice living, all the wonderful and terrible parts of it, and to practice steadfastness and courage. Better, worse, sickness, health, richer, poorer—everybody experiences all of that in life, married or not. I'm grateful to have the chance to walk the long road with a partner. It certainly has been way more interesting than anything I could have come up with on my own!