Cindy & Hector • June 28, 1992

While we're away on honeymoon, I've scheduled a series of posts about happy marriages I know, the ones that inspire me and give me hope. You can read them all here.

On what date did you get married?

Sunday, June 28, 1992. Just celebrated our 19th anniversary! Where did that time go?

What do you remember most from from your wedding?

Cindy: Because I was in So. Cal., where we had two major earthquakes that morning (google it!), I remember being worried Hector wouldn’t be able to fly down from San Francisco in time.  Turns out his flight was delayed, but he still got in several hours before the event, which took place in his brother’s back yard.  As for the wedding itself, I remember that since we hadn’t hired a photographer, we put out disposable cameras all around, and people standing all around us in the yard (we were married on the steps of the hot tub gazebo) snapped pictures all through the ceremony from all angles.  I also remember that my brothers cleaned out the lox from the bagel platter before Hector got there, and he was irked about that… I remember that everything went off beautifully, especially considering that we only planned it a few weeks in advance and spend only a couple thousand dollars.  It was a really happy day.  Oh, and the wedding night was also memorable. :)

Hector: Well, I’m STILL irked about the ‘lox incident’ but I guess I should get over it at this point :).  I was covering a show at San Francisco Opera and that weekend was the only ‘open’ time we had for a long while, hence the early morning flight to SoCal.  I was pretty cranky what with lack of sleep and sitting at the gate while the flight took on extra fuel since LAX was shut down due to the quakes.  Altogether a crappy start to what should be a wonderful day.  But that day WAS wonderful! - a special event to share with family and friends, the minister wore cowboy boots (I think I did too…), we ordered platters from the local market and had champagne from Trader Joes.  It was as low-stress as a wedding could be and I couldn’t have asked for a happier day or a more beautiful bride.  We stayed at the Pierpont Inn in Ventura (lovely Craftsman style hotel) that evening then had breakfast with the family the next morning.  I know there were other goings-on that evening but memory fails…

What is your advice for building a happy and successful marriage?

Cindy: While it is great to have separate hobbies and evenings out with friends, try to do most things together.  Just mundane little trips to the store or to work out or whatever.  Keep connected.  This will make you work the little irritating things out before they can really grow.  I think disconnection is one of the most dangerous things a marriage can face.  When you’re working in far-flung cities, talk and share as much as possible.  Of course, the biggest advice is marry someone you LIKE as well as love.

Hector: Every relationship is different and, ultimately, each couple has to find their own particular way; but I think that we’ve found a good balance.  We spend a lot of time laughing - at ourselves, at each other (gently), at the world (crying would be the other option), and at whatever else captures our attention.  We’ve tried very hard not to competitive with each other career-wise – it can be a real relationship killer.  We support each other’s career; celebrating every success and coping with setbacks together.  We were friends before we became a couple, so I agree with Cindy that it’s critical to like each other as well as to love.  It doesn’t hurt that we’re compatible on stage too!

Anything you know now that you wish you had known when you got married? Let me in on it!

Cindy: I can’t really think of anything offhand… I do remember being surprised how differently we were treated as a couple after we were married.  We lived together before, as you have, so I didn’t think it would be so different, but it really was.  Perhaps it was just the vows and my response to them, but in many ways it seemed like people took us more seriously as our own little family, once it was legal.

Hector: Not really – it was more traumatic buying a house together – THAT’S when you find out interesting info, but that’s a different story!  Making the decision to get married is easy – if you take the time to get to know your partner beforehand.  If there’s any little bit of info you’re withholding until you’re married… good luck!

Most of all, from both of us, we wish you a beautiful lifetime together.  You have NO idea where you’ll be in five, ten, or twenty years, but if you’re fortunate, you’ll be there together in good health.