The Art of Schmoozing

My Gay Boyfriend is in town (not to be confused with My Gay Husband, who has seniority), on Spring Break from the fancy conservatory where he's studying voice and stage directing and trying to decide which he likes better (come over to the dark side, I say). I wanted to show him a good time, so of course I took him to the opera last night, because nothing says Spring Break like sitting in a dark auditorium listening to opera singers divulge secrets about their dysfunctional families. Girls Gone Wild it was not, but there's always tonight.

After the show we had just ordered a drink at Bar #1 when CameraMan called to say that Famous Composer A and Famous Conductor B had just invited him to join them and a few of their friends at Bar #2 and did we want to come along?

Well, there was nothing to do but chug our cocktails like frat boys and head down the street to Bar #2, where we cozied into a booth and attempted to cover how starstruck we were with our best impression of cool. There were conversations about where classical music is headed, the role of critics in determining the success of a production, patrons so wealthy that they endow entire museums and hang Jackson Pollocks in their kids' bedrooms, and a plethora of other fascinating topics. I use the passive voice here intentionally, as I contributed almost nothing to these conversations, not because I don't have opinions about them, but because I don't hold my own in situations like that. I'm intimidated and fairly convinced that nothing I have to say will be very interesting, that I'm probably misinformed anyway, and it's just as well because I'll learn so much by listening.

My Gay Boyfriend, having told me earlier that he's terrible at schmoozing, proved himself wrong, chatting up Famous Composer A and CFO of Major Grant Giving Organization B with ease, all while imbibing an impressive amount of Glenlivet. I ended up sitting on the border between 2 major conversations, so I did the tennis match thing and drifted back and forth between them, saying very little.

Until a subject was broached on which I was confident of my expert status. I've always heard that the key to successful schmoozing is finding common ground. I couldn't find it in those earlier intellectual discussions, but I could find it in this one.

Oh yes, I can quote Waiting for Guffman with the best of 'em.

I knew my college education would pay off one day.