Tick…tick…

The technological world of Little Ms. Bossy seems to be experiencing some kind of universal system crash, sending the emotional world of Little Ms. Bossy into near-meltdown status. The Sanity Threat Level was already pretty high, probably about orange ("elevated"), based on a seemingly unending period of unemployment summer vacation and general malaise stemming from a lack of purpose. The latest spate of crises, which when considered together can only be interpreted as signs of the Bossypocalypse, just might edge it up to red.

It started out with the BossiBook, which I suspect may have been engineered to fail exactly 3 years from the date of purchase, rendering me 100% liable when I throw it across the room and sheepishly attempt to exchange it at the Apple Store. Saying that the computer is "slow" doesn't really do the situation justice. It calls out for a clichéd metaphor like "slow as molasses," or "snail's pace," or "slow enough to drive Little Ms. Bossy to drink." I've tried everything I can think of. I bought an external hard drive and transferred all my music and photos, freeing up about 12GB of space on my computer. Papa Bossy ran some top-secret code on the Terminal utility. Even begging "pretty please with a cherry on top" didn't make any difference. Every once in a while we have a good day and I gain back my optimism, only to have my hopes dashed the very next day when it won't let me do something simple, like…I don't know…USE THE KEYBOARD. The Bossy Camera, which miraculously seems to be unharmed, has been working overtime taking lots of pretty pictures. I would love to show them to you, but I can't. The BossiBook won't let me.

Good thing I have my trusty BossiPhone, right? WRONG. The Maps feature of my phone crashes every time I open it, and Safari is having some crashing issues as well. Even the phone feature has been exhibiting some quirky behavior, vibrating at random and forgetting to ring when someone calls.

And then there's the Bossy Beetle (Frankie). Her check engine light lit up right before I left for Denver, so I didn't have time to bring her in until yesterday. Turns out, lots of things are wrong with her, the details of which I have only a very shaky grasp. I shelled out about $1000 today to get her ship-shape. And that's not including the $600 of repairs I decided to hold off on, including the part of my car that is currently held together with string (truly). Spending that kind of money on anything always leaves me feeling slightly sick to my stomach, and the timing on this one could not have been worse. I'm doing the responsible adult thing (it doesn't come naturally) and canceling my trip to LA to see Woody's first opera, as well as putting plans for my very own apartment on hold.

All of this has put me in a very crabby mood. Thank goodness the refrigerator still works. It's not too early for beer, is it?