Bossy Wedding: The Reception, Part 2

We had originally planned to eat dinner inside, but once it became clear that it was going to be, shall we say, warm, the Kontrapunkt folks suggested we have dinner outside. They also suggested something they call a “flying dinner” instead of the buffet we had planned. What that meant was that food came out in courses served family style. It was perfect, in that everyone tried just about everything and we could all sit and be waited upon rather than getting up to make trips to the buffet.

Wouldn't you know it, but there's a charming little florist just across the street from the restaurant? And after a couple informal conversations in which I described my vision (nothing too precious, nothing too tall, lots of wildflowers in small arrangements down the center of the tables) in a mixture of English and Deutsch, we paid a teeny tiny amount of money and left the decor entirely up to them.

I worked with the amazing Stephanie of Pink Orchid Press to design little letterpress cards that said Vielen Dank! with our wedding date. We wrote personal notes to each of our guests thanking them for joining us and used them as place cards on the dinner tables. We actually wrote the cards in our hotel room the night before the wedding, and it was a lovely way for us to think about each of our guests and feel grateful to have them all with us.

Taken this morning on my iPhone because I realized we didn't have any photos of the cards.

We bought a little book in Paris and used it as a guestbook. We left our Instax cameras out on the table, and people wrote messages and put pictures in the book. It's a lovely souvenir.




As I've mentioned, the day was hot, and the weather forecast actually said 0% chance of rain. But of course almost immediately after we sat down to dinner, CM and I started feeling a few drops. We were just barely not covered by the awning, so everyone at our table stood up and helped move our table a few inches so that we'd be covered. It goes without saying that it stopped raining for good as soon as we were finished, right? Of course it did.

The food was indescribably good, probably the best meal I've had in my life. We had the menu printed in German and in English, and when our guests looked at it they thought they had to choose between all the items. Nope, they ALL came out, plus a couple unannounced items as well.

The wine was flowing, which partially explains why the other table (or the kids' table as we called it, since most of our friends sat there while our families were at our table) started writing and reciting limericks.

It started out tame:

There once was a girl named Louisa,
who wanted a man who could please he'.
He went down on one knee,
and said “Please marry me.”
On their honeymoon, they may stop in Pisa.


Which led to this:

There once was a couple aus Wien,
whose body types were very lean.
They served us great food
to get us in the mood,
but their priest was a really big queen.


And even an experiment in German:

Es war eine Hochzeit so heiss.
Gott sei dank das war nicht in der Schweiz.
Die gäste war schön,
as you will soon learn.
Oh my God, mein German ist scheiß!


Here's our reaction:

I love our friends.

After dinner, everyone lit sparklers (Wunderkerzen, in case you ever are looking for them in a German-speaking country) and we walked through them into the restaurant. It was a little silly, but we were hoping good photos would come out of it.

Then it was time for cake, although everyone was so full that we still had half of it left after the wedding was over. We ordered a big Sachertorte from the Hotel Sacher, and the restaurant provided lots of freshly whipped cream.

We hadn't found a cake topper (or, frankly, made it a priority), but on our photo scavenger hunt I happened to see this one in a store window and popped in and bought it. It was perfect.

We cut the cake and then had our first dance, to Eva Cassidy singing “Songbird.”

I am very graceful.

After that, there was lots of dancing and drinking and fun. The restaurant had originally planned to serve a midnight snack of Gulaschsuppe (it's usual at Austrian parties to have something late at night to keep everyone's energy up), but we were all still so full that nobody needed it.

At some point in the evening, a red Vespa was discovered outside the restaurant (I still don't know who owns it), leading to lots of fun photo ops, all of which are far too embarrassing to include here.

At the end of the night, CM and I and two of our friends were left. We sat outside and drank a beer and talked about the day. Then CM and I got into a cab and went back to our hotel and found a waiting bottle of champagne which we may or may not have consumed while soaking in a hot bath.

Oh, it was a good day.



Photos by the fabulous Pink Pixel (except for the lame picture of the card—that was all me).

Bossy Wedding: The Reception, Part 1

In searching for the right spot to hold our wedding reception, we considered dozens of options including but not limited to: museums, parks, cafés, our living room (truly), and the opera house. Once other details were solidified and we realized what a small, intimate group we would have, it seemed like the best option for us might be to hold the reception in a restaurant—no need to deal with rentals, or catering, or much in the way of decorations. Having been in the country a scant few months when we were planning, our local knowledge was pretty much non-existent, so I cannot believe how lucky we got with Kontrapunkt, a restaurant just around the corner from our apartment. We had been there for dinner and loved the atmosphere—cozy and casual with simple, fresh, delicious food. The restaurant had recently hired a young, innovative chef devoted to the Slow Food movement who was cooking the most exquisite multi-course menus. It's the kind of restaurant where you say, “Bring us three courses. We eat everything,” and the incredible parade of beautiful dishes is so delightful that you end up ordering more and more.

In the front window. Roughly translated: Sex, champagne, good food. We can take care of 2 out of 3.

We rented the whole restaurant for the evening for our party, and I have never been so well taken care of in my life. While I had some anxieties about giving up control (shocker, I know) during the planning process, we ended up leaving almost every decision in the capable hands of the chef and manager, and as a result the pressure to host the party was lifted. I can truly say we enjoyed ourselves as much as our guests did, and when I hear tales of other weddings where the bride and groom never got to taste the food they had so carefully chosen I have to laugh. We ate every single course (and there were so very many of them) with gusto.

When we arrived there was prosecco and canapés and mingling.

CM and I headed across the street for a little photo shoot. Looking at these pictures makes me so happy that we held our celebration in our neighborhood, on a street we walked down every single day of our Vienna adventure.

When we came back inside, I had planned a little surprise for CM. Unbeknownst to him, Legs McGee and I had been practicing, and I sang Ingrid Michaelson's “The Way I Am” to him with Legs at the piano. Mama Bossy even wrote new lyrics to the last verse:

To be with you, I'd cross an ocean,

Each time you get a new promotion.

It's been approximately five gabillion years since I sang in public, and I was incredibly nervous—I almost didn't go through with it at all. It was not a great demonstration of singing prowess or anything like it, but I loved being able to sing to CM and see his face while he listened.

Afterwards, our dads each gave a toast. Poor Papa Bossy had been very ill almost the entire week leading up to the wedding, and whenever I asked him about his speech he said something vague, like he had been “thinking about it some.” He's a pretty soft-spoken guy in general, so I was floored when he gave the most eloquent, articulate, moving toast I could possibly imagine, obviously carefully planned but delivered in a completely natural way. In a day full of memorable moments, his toast stands out as something I will never forget.

CM's dad's toast was lovely, and he even learned a phrase in German and had one of our German friends tutor him in pronunciation so that he could welcome my German relatives to the family. Amazing.

More to come, including mouth-watering photos of the food and cheesy photos of our first dance. Oh, and racy limericks.

All photos by the talented Pink Pixel.

Bossy Wedding: The Agape

It's traditional in Austria to have two wedding ceremonies (kind of like we did!): one at City Hall and one in church. It's common that only close friends and family members attend the legal ceremony, while larger crowds are invited to the church wedding and following party. Traditionally the bride and groom host a small reception and champagne toast after the City Hall wedding, called an Agape. We decided to have an Agape of our own so that we could take advantage of the lovely setting of our wedding for a bit longer after the ceremony. The Weingut Cobenzl has a gorgeous new building for wine tastings and events. It's even air-conditioned, which is rare in Vienna and was much appreciated since our wedding day happened to be the hottest day of the whole summer. Also, it seemed silly to get married in a vineyard and not sample any of its wine, am I right?

Before the Agape, we gathered everyone together to take a few group pictures. Here's what I learned: there is no such thing as a photo of 25 people where everyone has their eyes open and is looking at the camera. But trying did lead to general hilarity, and the pictures of everyone together are still some of my favorites of the day.

Then we sent the guests back to start drinking and cooling off while we took a few pictures with our parents.

And Lily, of course.

Once we got back to the Agape, we quickly grabbed our glasses of Sekt, and CM and I spoke briefly and thanked everyone for coming. Then we mingled and hugged all our loved ones.

There may have been a fisheye lens involved.

When we were researching wedding traditions and cobbling together what our day would be, we were both really taken with the idea of a Quaker wedding certificate (as a child I was raised what I generally refer to as “half-a**ed Quaker”). In a traditional Quaker wedding, there is no officiant because the couple is married by the congregation. The wedding certificate usually has the vows, as well as a record of the date and location of the wedding, and it is signed by the couple and the entire congregation. We decided we wanted one, and I started looking at Etsy and other resources to find someone who could make it. Of course, I should have asked Mama and Papa Bossy right away—they always know someone. Sure enough, they have a friend in Oregon who does beautiful custom calligraphy at ridiculously reasonable prices. She made our gorgeous wedding certificate, which we laid out at the Agape so that everyone could sign it. We haven't gotten around to framing it yet, but I know we'll have it forever.

Our dinner reception was in our neighborhood, about a half hour's drive from the ceremony venue. Maybe the best choice we made in planning the day was to rent an air-conditioned bus to drive the whole party from the vineyard to the reception. It was so lovely to just sit together and relax and chat in the cool air. In typical Viennese fashion, we made the reservation for the bus but didn't have to put down any deposit or sign any kind of contract beforehand, so we were slightly anxious that the bus wouldn't show up, but we shouldn't have worried. That's just the way things are designed to work over there.

All photos by the unparalleled Pink Pixel. I highly recommend you follow her on Instagram.


Can't remember the rest of our wedding (because it's been months and months)? Let me remind you.
The Invitations
The Week Before
The Clothes
The Ceremony, Part 1
The Ceremony, Part Zwei

Bossy Wedding: The Ceremony, Part Zwei

We held our ceremony at the Weingut Cobenzl, an idyllic vineyard overlooking the entire city of Vienna. It was the hottest day of the summer, without a cloud in the sky. On the urging of our photographer, we chose to see each other and take portraits before the wedding, so that we could be with our friends and family as much as possible after the ceremony. CM closed his eyes and kept his back to me until I was right behind him. Then he turned around and saw me.

 I had kept all the details of my dress, etc. a complete secret from him (hard to do since we generally tell each other everything!), and I loved seeing the look on his face when he turned around. We wandered around and took a few pictures, but it was so hot that we didn't last long.

Our guests gathered in the air-conditioned tasting room and drank grape juice mixed with fizzy water (SO good on a hot day!). We waited in a back room and relaxed, mostly just grinning at each other. At 4 o’clock sharp, the guests walked together down the street to the vineyard itself. We followed behind and hid until we heard the music begin: Joshua Radin’s version of “Fly me to the moon,” the most romantic song I know.

Lily, our adorable flower girl, went first, deliberately tossing petals from her basket one by one. Then CM and I walked down the aisle holding hands. I felt myself start to tear up the moment I saw our friends and family beaming at us. “Uh oh,” I said, “it’s starting.” CM squeezed my hand harder.

 Writing our own ceremony seemed like a daunting task, but I’m so glad we did. In putting it together, we talked a lot about what marriage meant to us, what we were promising to each other, what was important. Each decision we made was informed by those conversations. I found this post (and the subsequent comments) extremely helpful. (If anyone is interested in the full text of our ceremony, I’m happy to send it your way—when I was researching I liked reading entire ceremonies online, even of strangers.) We wanted it to be personal and meaningful while not losing the gravitas of the occasion. I liked the idea of saying the same words that couples have saying to each other at weddings for generations. We wanted to involve our friends and family as well. So we wrote a secular ceremony that ended up being perfect for us.

My Gay Husband introduced us and told our story, and then Eric’s stepdad did a reading from Robert Fulghum’s “Union.” We said “I do” to traditional vows (in sickness and in health, etc.), and then read to each other the vows we wrote, based on several different sources:

Surrounded by the light and love of our family and friends, I take you to be my beloved.

I ask you to be none other than yourself and vow to share my whole self with you.

I promise to hold your hand through every adventure,

to face life’s challenges together with patience and humor,

and to love you faithfully and wholeheartedly.

I vow to always remain your best friend and your biggest fan.

This commitment is made in love, lived in hope, and made eternally new.

We had planned to read them off a slip of paper, but right before the wedding we decided to read them out of MGH’s book with the whole ceremony instead. Of course while I was saying the vows I got overcome for a moment, had to borrow a handkerchief to dab my eyes, and promptly lost my place in the book. We had to take a moment to find my place before I could continue.

In researching ceremony ideas, I loved the tradition of congregational vows, where all gathered promise to support the marriage. Throughout our relationship, we have been blessed to have so many people rooting for us and helping us succeed. The guests at our wedding will be part of our marriage forever, and I loved hearing them answer “We do” and “We will,” vowing to offer their strength and comfort to us always. After the congregational vows our wedding rings were passed through each person’s hands in a ring blessing/ring warming ceremony. So much positive energy was coming our way during the wedding, and I love thinking of that energy every morning when I put on my ring.

While the rings were passed around, Mama Bossy did a reading from Kahlil Gibran’s The Prophet (using the book she had been given when she was 18!) and CM’s mom read the “Blessing of the Hands.” When the rings came back to us, we exchanged them with one last set of vows. As a benediction, MGH read an excerpt from Anne Morrow Lindbergh’s Gift from the Sea:

A good relationship has a pattern like a dance and is built on some of the same rules. The partners do not need to hold on tightly, because they move confidently in the same pattern, intricate but gay and swift and free, like a country dance of Mozart’s. To touch heavily would be to arrest the pattern and freeze the movement, to check the endlessly changing beauty of its unfolding. There is no place here for the possessive clutch, the clinging arm, the heavy hand; only the barest touch in passing. Now arm in arm, now face to face, now back to back—it does not matter which. Because they know they are partners moving to the same rhythm, creating a pattern together, and being invisibly nourished by it.

Then he pronounced us married, we kissed (chaste without being dismissive, very important), and it was done!

I’m so happy we were able to devise a special ceremony that felt like us but still felt weighty—a difficult balance. I think in planning a wedding it’s tempting to focus all your energy on the dress, the decorations, the flowers, the dinner. But the most important part of any wedding is the ceremony itself; otherwise you’re just throwing a party. The act of standing up in front of our loved ones to make public our private promises felt brave, and important, and transformative.

We're so married, y'all.

(All photos by the incomparable Pink Pixel.)