When last we saw our heroine, she ambitiously committed to writing three pages of stream of consciousness every morning, and then was never seen or heard from again.
Here's what happened. She set her alarm 30 minutes early and diligently wrote those morning pages…for two days. And on the third day, when she awoke to her iPhone buzzing, she could think of almost nothing she wanted to do less than write down her innermost thoughts. Or anything at all, for that matter. And so she didn't. And she didn't write the next day, either. Instead, she slept that extra 30 minutes, and then she went to work, and then she came home. Some days she exercised, some days she watched television, some days she read, some days she planned her wedding, and every day she took a picture. What she didn't do, not once, was write.
Adept as she usually is at compartmentalizing, she nevertheless had difficulty quieting the voices in her head: the one comparing her to all the more talented, more prolific bloggers; and the one calling her lazy for not accomplishing anything; and most especially the one telling her that she would never have a chance of becoming a real writer if she couldn't stick to a schedule for even one week. The voices were so loud and so numerous that they easily drowned out any writing ideas, and before she knew it, a week without writing had turned into two, had turned into three.
Finally, one day, out of the blue, she decided to forgive herself. She told herself calmly and reasonably that, while enjoyable, writing took a certain amount of energy and focus. Work also took quite a bit of both. For the time being, she explained to herself, it was okay if she chose to devote her limited resources of energy and focus to the thing that paid her a salary. That didn't make her less of a writer, or less of a person; it made her better at her job.
And so, she waited. She waited until her show opened. She waited until she had taken a restful trip to visit her parents. She waited until her wedding invitations were all addressed, stamped, and sealed. She waited until her mind was quiet and clear.
And then, only then, she began to write again.
Home on the Road: Katharine Goeldner
Home on the Road is a series in which I interview opera professionals about how they survive their nomadic lives. You can find previous interviews here.
I've been so looking forward to sharing the lovely mezzo-soprano Katharine Goeldner's interview with you. Katharine most recently scored a big success in Carmen at the Lyric Opera of Chicago, but in real life she is grounded, practical, and infinitely reliable. She is also my favorite expert on how to be an expat in Austria, as she's been living in Salzburg for many years.
Katharine has been freelancing on the road since 1996. This past year she was away from home even more than usual, including a 4.5-month stint away she hopes not to repeat. Here, she expounds on the benefits of socialism, the importance of picking the right husband, and how to manage a bustling career on two continents.
LMB: You have chosen to make your home in Salzburg. What brought you there in the first place, and what made you stay? What advantages and disadvantages has being based in Europe given you?
KG: I came to Salzburg for a Master's—in short, because I couldn't afford to study in the US. Tuition at American universities is ridiculously expensive. And here, the fee is approximately $400.00 per semester. That's it. And that's because I'm non-EU. Otherwise it would be free.
Other advantages—I started singing in Austria and Germany at an age when my American colleagues were doing young artist programs (which I couldn't get into, by the way). It wasn't easy, but I learned German, how to negotiate contracts, stand up to administration, and that I could sing Evita (title role), Cherubino, and Angelina AND Tisbe (La Cenerentola) all in the same week and survive. I also learned how to jump into a production with no stage or orchestra rehearsal, which served me very well when I started singing at City Opera and the Met. (Two examples: I sang Nicklausse at the Met, my first time doing the role, with no stage or orchestra rehearsal. Same for Carmen at City Opera: only one day on stage and only a Sitzprobe with the orchestra).
Another advantage of living over here is that I have been able to establish myself on both sides of the ocean, which means that in this bad economy, I'm not dependent solely upon the US houses for work.
I should point out here, though, that there have been disadvantages as well. It took me years to get my foot in the door in the US because I hadn't worked with American coaches/teachers/young artist programs—so I was an unknown quantity. It was very difficult to even get heard in the US for a long time. Even now, I can tell that in certain houses, singers who have gone through their studio programs definitely have the advantage over me.
LMB: I'm always looking for advice on how to negotiate a relationship/marriage when you're apart for long periods of time. You've been married 22 years this summer(!), so you obviously have this figured out pretty well. Any tips?
KG: First tip: find an amazing guy. Besides that, Skype has been a godsend. We Skype everyday, and it's allowed me to watch my daughter open her birthday presents, for example. We used to have huge phone bills—just part of the deal, I figured—but Skype has changed that.
Because my husband already had his tenured position in the orchestra here when we met, we had the advantage that we weren't both trying to pursue jobs at the same time. I think it is very difficult to keep a relationship going when both partners are trying to establish music careers. One partner needs to be the steady one. In all these years, I have very rarely seen a relationship with two singers work out. Our egos are just too big and the pressure, distance, and competition eventually take their toll. I'm not saying it's impossible—just that it's very, very difficult.
LMB: Your daughter is in high school now. I'm sure singers with younger kids would love to hear your advice on how you've managed to be a parent at the same time as having your career. What has made it work for you?
KG: Basically, what's made this all work for me is that I have a really amazing husband. He's also a musician—he's a bassoonist in the Mozarteum Orchestra, here in Salzburg—so he understands better than someone not in "the business," I think, what having a singing career involves.
When my daughter was born, we sort of thought I would take her with me on the road—and I did, at the beginning. But when she was 2+ and I was starting to do bigger roles, it was clear that I really only had time and energy for rehearsing, sleeping, and eating, and not much left over to take care of a child. It didn't seem fair to her to take her away from her home, her routine, and her friends and have her dealing with yet another foreign language (she was already learning German and English, and I was singing in France a lot at the time. And remember, she was only 2 and just learning to talk.) So we opted to have her stay home with Dad, and Mom being gone was the only disruption to her routine. My husband and daughter did travel to be with me for part of the time, usually in time to see my premiere. But they would stay a week, rather than the entire 4–5 weeks of a typical gig.
Once she got into middle school/high school, it became much more difficult for her to miss school, so the length of time we're apart has actually gotten longer. Plus, my husband is in the orchestra here. So we have to plan their trips around both the school and orchestra/theater schedules. We used to aim for no more than a month apart. Now that has sometimes stretched to 2 months.
LMB: In order to have the career that you have, you have to be willing to be away from home a lot of the time. What makes it worthwhile for you?
KG: Hmm. That's not an easy one to answer. I guess I would have to say, and I know this sounds like a cliché, but…this is what I do, this is what I am. You have to really want to do this to make it work. If there's ANYTHING you like just as much—do that instead. This career is far too difficult if you don't "have" to do it.
 |
| Photo by David Angus |
Katharine has been freelancing on the road since 1996. This past year she was away from home even more than usual, including a 4.5-month stint away she hopes not to repeat. Here, she expounds on the benefits of socialism, the importance of picking the right husband, and how to manage a bustling career on two continents.
LMB: You have chosen to make your home in Salzburg. What brought you there in the first place, and what made you stay? What advantages and disadvantages has being based in Europe given you?
KG: I came to Salzburg for a Master's—in short, because I couldn't afford to study in the US. Tuition at American universities is ridiculously expensive. And here, the fee is approximately $400.00 per semester. That's it. And that's because I'm non-EU. Otherwise it would be free.
The biggest advantages of being based in Europe? Socialism. National health insurance (and yes, I can choose my doctors.) Baby leave: you are allowed up to 3 years of baby leave, split once between the parents if you like. The first two years are partially paid, and the third is not paid at all, but they have to keep your job open for you. A pension. Unemployment insurance.
Other advantages—I started singing in Austria and Germany at an age when my American colleagues were doing young artist programs (which I couldn't get into, by the way). It wasn't easy, but I learned German, how to negotiate contracts, stand up to administration, and that I could sing Evita (title role), Cherubino, and Angelina AND Tisbe (La Cenerentola) all in the same week and survive. I also learned how to jump into a production with no stage or orchestra rehearsal, which served me very well when I started singing at City Opera and the Met. (Two examples: I sang Nicklausse at the Met, my first time doing the role, with no stage or orchestra rehearsal. Same for Carmen at City Opera: only one day on stage and only a Sitzprobe with the orchestra).
Another advantage of living over here is that I have been able to establish myself on both sides of the ocean, which means that in this bad economy, I'm not dependent solely upon the US houses for work.
LMB: I'm always looking for advice on how to negotiate a relationship/marriage when you're apart for long periods of time. You've been married 22 years this summer(!), so you obviously have this figured out pretty well. Any tips?
KG: First tip: find an amazing guy. Besides that, Skype has been a godsend. We Skype everyday, and it's allowed me to watch my daughter open her birthday presents, for example. We used to have huge phone bills—just part of the deal, I figured—but Skype has changed that.
The hardest part, I think, is what I call "re-entry": coming home after so long away. You have to resist the temptation to try to make up for all that lost time and not try to be the perfect wife, mother, AND singer at the same time. It just isn't possible. Also, remember that they've gotten into their own routine while you've been gone. Give yourself a break, get over jet lag, and ease in gradually.
Because my husband already had his tenured position in the orchestra here when we met, we had the advantage that we weren't both trying to pursue jobs at the same time. I think it is very difficult to keep a relationship going when both partners are trying to establish music careers. One partner needs to be the steady one. In all these years, I have very rarely seen a relationship with two singers work out. Our egos are just too big and the pressure, distance, and competition eventually take their toll. I'm not saying it's impossible—just that it's very, very difficult.
LMB: Your daughter is in high school now. I'm sure singers with younger kids would love to hear your advice on how you've managed to be a parent at the same time as having your career. What has made it work for you?
KG: Basically, what's made this all work for me is that I have a really amazing husband. He's also a musician—he's a bassoonist in the Mozarteum Orchestra, here in Salzburg—so he understands better than someone not in "the business," I think, what having a singing career involves.
When my daughter was born, we sort of thought I would take her with me on the road—and I did, at the beginning. But when she was 2+ and I was starting to do bigger roles, it was clear that I really only had time and energy for rehearsing, sleeping, and eating, and not much left over to take care of a child. It didn't seem fair to her to take her away from her home, her routine, and her friends and have her dealing with yet another foreign language (she was already learning German and English, and I was singing in France a lot at the time. And remember, she was only 2 and just learning to talk.) So we opted to have her stay home with Dad, and Mom being gone was the only disruption to her routine. My husband and daughter did travel to be with me for part of the time, usually in time to see my premiere. But they would stay a week, rather than the entire 4–5 weeks of a typical gig.
Once she got into middle school/high school, it became much more difficult for her to miss school, so the length of time we're apart has actually gotten longer. Plus, my husband is in the orchestra here. So we have to plan their trips around both the school and orchestra/theater schedules. We used to aim for no more than a month apart. Now that has sometimes stretched to 2 months.
LMB: In order to have the career that you have, you have to be willing to be away from home a lot of the time. What makes it worthwhile for you?
KG: Hmm. That's not an easy one to answer. I guess I would have to say, and I know this sounds like a cliché, but…this is what I do, this is what I am. You have to really want to do this to make it work. If there's ANYTHING you like just as much—do that instead. This career is far too difficult if you don't "have" to do it.
That said, the occasionally really great team, wonderful piece to sing, beautiful production…sometimes it all just "clicks" and you remember, "oh yeah, THIS is why I'm here!" And interestingly enough, those moments don't necessarily occur where you think they would—in the biggest houses with the "best" casts. Some of the most fun and fulfilling productions I've been a part of have been in regional houses. And some of my most disappointing artistic experiences have been in the "big" houses.
LMB: Any other advice you wish someone had given you when you were first starting out? Or advice that you did get that has been helpful to you?
KG: One of the best bits of advice I got was from my first voice teacher. She said, "Never turn down an audition and take every gig seriously. You never know who may be listening." Now, at the point I am now at in my career, no, I don't take every possible audition. But when you're starting out, you must. I see so many young American singers these days with an attitude of Entitlement. They're "too good" to take this or that audition because the house or role "isn't good/big/glamourous enough" for them. Big mistake. This business is all about Networking, and that "unimportant" gig you turned your nose up at just might have involved a young conductor or stage director who then goes on to work in a "big" house—and you've now missed a great opportunity.
Do your work, learn your music and COME PREPARED! You would think this is a no-brainer, but the level of preparation I have seen in the past 5-6 years has sometimes been appalling. I have seen far too many young singers show up for rehearsals not having their parts memorized. It's extremely disrespectful to your colleagues and it wastes our time. And it will catch up to you. You may not get fired from this job, but you can be sure they're going to remember it when you come up for consideration for the next one.
Learn German, French, and Italian.Yesterday.
Take a business class. You're going to wish you had one when it comes to bookkeeping and taxes. Trust me on this one.
Always sing the first musical run-through and the dress rehearsal. It's your responsibility to show them that you are prepared and can sing the role. Other than that, whether or not you sing out at any given rehearsal is up to the singer—you have to get the role into your body and voice, of course. But if you're too tired or feeling like you're getting a cold, only you can judge whether or not you're in shape to sing. Don't let the conductor bully you. Because they will.
Be nice. Be humble. Don't play the diva/divo. You may think you're irreplaceable, but believe me, you're not. Even if you ARE a tenor.
A great big thank you to Katharine! You can find out much more about her at www.katharinegoeldner.com.
A Week at a Time: Morning pages
Well, the evening clean-up week was a great success, except for that one night, when I took Nyquil at 8pm without thinking and fell fast asleep by 9:30. That night I did not clean the apartment. Otherwise, though, I made the effort to do it and it greatly improved the quality of my mornings. This one's a keeper.
This week my goal is to write every morning. The idea is taken from The Artist's Way, which instructs you to write three pages long-hand first thing in the morning, for your eyes only. I'm not certain that mornings are the best time for me to write, or whether long-hand is better than typing, or whether three pages will be the magic number for me, but it seems like a good place to start. I've never kept a journal with any regularity, and I'd like to start doing more writing that's not for public consumption. So often writing here leads me to some sort of catharsis, but the times in which I am most in need of that are also the times in which I tend to blog less. So... morning pages.
I'm looking forward to it. Care to join me?
This week my goal is to write every morning. The idea is taken from The Artist's Way, which instructs you to write three pages long-hand first thing in the morning, for your eyes only. I'm not certain that mornings are the best time for me to write, or whether long-hand is better than typing, or whether three pages will be the magic number for me, but it seems like a good place to start. I've never kept a journal with any regularity, and I'd like to start doing more writing that's not for public consumption. So often writing here leads me to some sort of catharsis, but the times in which I am most in need of that are also the times in which I tend to blog less. So... morning pages.
I'm looking forward to it. Care to join me?
Happy weekend!
I frittered away this week being sick in bed (again!) every minute I wasn't at work. I'm FINALLY starting to feel like myself again, so I'm making plans for an artsy weekend, complete with a night at the opera (closing night of Iphigénie) and the lovely Joyce's Carnegie Hall debut. Also lots of sleeping. What about you? Any big plans?
In case you're stuck inside:
Two of my favorite bloggers recently moved to France for a year (oh, they happen to be sisters, too). Check out Jordan, who is living in Paris with her hubby and two kids, and Gabrielle, who is living in Normandy with her hubby and SIX kids. Jealous?
I did this with my hair today and got lots of compliments. Try it, it's so easy.
I've been meaning to tell you about this for months now. It even makes my cloudy Manhattan tap water taste delicious.
The one thing that keeps me from pretending I actually know how to cook is my amateurish knife wielding. Thank goodness for the internet: How to dice an onion.
Did you see our rings? :)
This week I became an aunt! I have to wait 5 more weeks to meet (and over-photograph) beautiful Josee, but here's a sneak peek from her birthday!
Hope your weekend is full to bursting with beautiful music making, classic cocktails, and good health! xoxo LMB
In case you're stuck inside:
Two of my favorite bloggers recently moved to France for a year (oh, they happen to be sisters, too). Check out Jordan, who is living in Paris with her hubby and two kids, and Gabrielle, who is living in Normandy with her hubby and SIX kids. Jealous?
I did this with my hair today and got lots of compliments. Try it, it's so easy.
I've been meaning to tell you about this for months now. It even makes my cloudy Manhattan tap water taste delicious.
The one thing that keeps me from pretending I actually know how to cook is my amateurish knife wielding. Thank goodness for the internet: How to dice an onion.
Did you see our rings? :)
This week I became an aunt! I have to wait 5 more weeks to meet (and over-photograph) beautiful Josee, but here's a sneak peek from her birthday!
Hope your weekend is full to bursting with beautiful music making, classic cocktails, and good health! xoxo LMB
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